


All’s Fair in Love and War

by CousinSerena, redundant_angel



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: 6000 Years of Marriage (Good Omens), Arguing, Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale is "just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing" (Good Omens), Aziraphale's Bookshop (Good Omens), Bickering, Bottom Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Established Relationship, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Rough Sex, Smut, Top Crowley (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:33:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28114698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CousinSerena/pseuds/CousinSerena, https://archiveofourown.org/users/redundant_angel/pseuds/redundant_angel
Summary: Crowley and Aziraphale get into a heated argument... and it just keeps getting hotter.------“I know what you’re thinking.”Crowley lazily swirled the remainder of his cabernet around in the bottom of his glass as he watched Aziraphale return from the pantry with a fresh bottle of Chateauneuf du Pape.“Oh?” Aziraphale shot a suspicious glance at the demon. “And what would that be?”Crowley flashed him a sly grin. “You want me. You’ve been eyeing me all night.”
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 47
Kudos: 255
Collections: Good Omens OTP Prompts Event Works, Top Crowley Library





	All’s Fair in Love and War

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is a collab between CousinSerena and redundant_angel for the Good Omens OTP Prompts Event!  
>  **Prompt:**  
>  Aziraphale and Crowley arguing over each other’s personality flaws during a rough round of sex.
> 
> Thank you to [TawnyOwl95](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TawnyOwl95) for her enthusiastic encouragement and for the beta! 

“I know what you’re thinking.” 

Crowley lazily swirled the remainder of his cabernet around in the bottom of his glass as he watched Aziraphale return from the pantry with a fresh bottle of Chateauneuf du Pape.

“Oh?” Aziraphale shot a suspicious glance at the demon. “And what would that be?” 

Crowley flashed him a sly grin. “You want me. You’ve been eyeing me all night.”

Aziraphale pursed his lips as he topped up his fourth ( _fifth?)_ glass of wine. He was feeling pleasantly tipsy, but not to the point where he was slurring his words or any such nonsense. “I most certainly have not,” he protested, although the tone of his voice was not convincing even himself. 

Crowley swiftly climbed to his feet and sauntered across the room to where Aziraphale stood. He swept a hand around Aziraphale’s waist and pulled the angel towards him, their bodies slotting together in perfect harmony. “You’re a terrible liar, angel.” 

“And you, dear, are an incorrigible tempter,” Aziraphale replied, allowing himself to be swept off his feet.

“That’s my job.” Crowley went in for a kiss, pressing himself against Aziraphale’s hips.

It was then that Aziraphale became acutely aware of just how much he had been thinking about the dastardly demon. He closed his eyes and melted into the kiss; his plans to finish up that paperback novel tonight now entirely out the window. 

“Why don’t we take this upstairs?” Aziraphale suggested. “I’m not sure this unfortunate settee can take another round of our love making.” 

“Love making?” Crowley cringed. “Must you call it that, angel? It makes us sound ancient.”

“Well, we _are_ ancient, darling.” Aziraphale motioned for Crowley to lead the way. “After you, _foul fiend_.”

The pair made their way up the twisting staircase to the loft above the bookshop, until they reached Aziraphale’s modest bedroom. They had barely made it through the door before Crowley had Aziraphale down on the bed; gleefully stripping away his tartan bow tie and making quick work of the buttons on the angel’s waistcoat.

Suddenly, Aziraphale muttered, “Oh drat.”

Crowley barely glanced up from his task of peppering kisses over Aziraphale jawline and down his throat. “Hmm?”

“I-I may have forgotten to lock the front door.”

“No one’s going to barge in here, angel. What are you so worried about?”

Aziraphale frowned. “Someone could take money from the till, or worse… steal a book!”

“Could just miracle it locked, couldn’t you?” Crowley offered, somewhat distractedly. By now, he had Aziraphale down to his undergarments and was in the midst of undoing his own trousers.

“Yes, but I wouldn’t be really _sure_ ,” Aziraphale pouted. “It's a bit difficult to concentrate right now. I’ll have to lock it the human way. Besides… what if--ohhh, oh my, that tickles!” Crowley was nibbling on his neck and it felt divine. “What if someone _did_ barge in here?”

Crowley sighed and snapped his fingers, ridding them both of the last of their clothing. “Then they would get quite the eyeful, wouldn’t they?” 

“Can’t you be serious for once?” Aziraphale grumbled, trying to sit up. “Now I’ll need to get dressed all over again so I can go downstairs.”

“Oh, come on, Aziraphale! Quit being so uptight! You really are the fussiest angel I’ve ever met.” He crawled onto Aziraphale’s lap. 

“Crowley!”

“Well, that’s your entire problem, isn’t it?” Crowley asked. His voice was muffled as he was busy sucking on Aziraphale’s nipple. “You can never just let loose. Live a little? I mean look at these sheets! Tartan. Really?”  
  
“Oh, oh yes--I mean _no_ , ooh, more please! I do _so_ let loose, Crowley. I’m just not completely reckless like a certain demon I know, that’s all.” It was difficult to sound cross, Aziraphale found, as his nipples were extremely sensitive. “Really, Crowley, the door!”

“ _Confound_ the blessed door,” Crowley growled. “I think you need some lessons in foreplay, you know that, angel?”

Aziraphale scoffed. “Lessons? Lessons in sex from _you?_ Ha!” He reached between them to grasp Crowley’s erect cock and began stroking it meaningfully, producing a stilted groan from the demon. “What would you teach me exactly, dear demon? I taught you about the birds and the bees, may I remind you. Do you remember watching Noah and his sons? You didn’t even know why he needed more than one unicorn!” 

“That’s NOT fair!” Crowley protested. “We didn’t get the primer on human sex Downstairs-- _Ooh, oh Satan that’s good.”_ The angel’s firm hand continued working his cock and Crowley felt himself losing control. Not wanting to be outdone, he returned to sucking on Aziraphale’s neck, knowing it always drove the angel wild. For good measure, he reached down and fondled Aziraphale’s balls, which produced an angelic moan. “ _Now_ who’s giving foreplay lessons, hmm? Know-it-all tartan wearing bookworm!” 

Flustered, Aziraphale reached around to grab a handful of shapely demon arse and gave it a sharp smack. “Know-it-all, am I? Well, Crowley, perhaps if you would read a book once in awhile instead of having your nose in that mobile phone--”

“At least I know how to use one!” Crowley shot back. He eagerly pushed Aziraphale back down onto his back. “You’re stuck in the middle of the twentieth century. You’ve still got a princess style rotary phone on your desk!”

“It is NOT a princess style phone.”

“Princess phone for a pillow princess. Or should I say Pillow _Principality_?” Crowley laughed at his own joke while moving down to suck a bit of angel cock.

“Oh, oh Heavens, _YES_.” Aziraphale spread his legs wider and arched up.

Crowley slipped his fingers down and began to finger the angel’s hole teasingly. He pulled his mouth from the angel’s cock with an obscene slurp. “Yes, you’re a pillow principality?” he asked, amused.

“Yes,” Aziraphale replied breathlessly. “I mean, no! No, I am NOT a...a... whatever you just said.” 

“Uh huh.” Crowley smirked and returned to his task of driving Aziraphale crazy. He seemed to be rather good at it.

Aziraphale glared. He was not about to just sit back and take such insults; although he would gladly lie there and enjoy whatever it was that Crowley was doing to him right now with that sinful tongue. But there was his pride to worry about, after all, and he would not be accused of being a ‘Pillow Principality’. The _nerve!_ Harnessing his angelic strength, Aziraphale sat up and pounced on Crowley, rolling him onto his back and pinning his wrists to the mattress. 

Crowley growled and hissed as he suddenly found himself pinned down and unable to move. “Angel, what--” 

“Ha!” Aziraphale cried in triumph, reveling in the opportunity to take the loud-mouthed demon down a peg. Before Crowley could push him off, he had slid down and wrapped his plump lips around the head of Crowley’s cock and was taking the entire length of it down his throat.

“Ngk!” Crowley mumbled.

Aziraphale popped his mouth off and replaced it with his soft hand just so he could tease the demon. “So articulate, dear. But then, half the time you only manage nonsensical syllables as it is.” He returned to sucking and Crowley returned to uttering incoherent curse words.

“Gnn...rrrghhh-ah! At least I’m not a scatterbrained worrywart. _Oh good heavens_ ” he mocked, impersonating Aziraphale’s posh accent, “ _The door is unlatched. Whatever shall I dooo_ …oooh, Hell’s Bells, angel. Deeper, that’s it! Ga….oh that slow sucking is amazing. Angel... you’re torturing me!” 

Azirphale hummed with satisfaction. “You see, dear speed demon, sometimes slower is better.”

Crowley scowled. “Oi, still bringing that up, are you? The old _you go too fast for me,_ bit?” As heavenly as Aziraphale’s lips felt wrapped around on his cock, he was NOT going to come in the bastard’s mouth; he couldn’t give Aziraphale the satisfaction. 

With enormous effort, he grabbed a handful of blond curls and pulled Aziraphale off of him, wrestling the angel over so he was face down, his lovely plump arse on display. He miracled his fingers slick and was now leisurely working Aziraphale open, one finger at a time, until Aziraphale was rocking back on his fingers, whimpering with need and begging for more.

“Crowley- please.”

“Please what, angel? I could do this all day.”

“Stop stalling and _fuck_ me, you wicked thing.”

“I thought you’d never ask.” With a smug smile, Crowley lined himself up, pausing to make sure Aziraphale was ready, then entered him in one smooth thrust. Once inside, the demon quickly sped up his rhythm. “Gonna say I go too fast for you now, angel?”

“Oh, Lord. Crowley...no, no, that’s...Ahh--” Aziraphale moaned. 

“You know, I think you like arguing with me,” Crowley continued nonchalantly as he took Aziraphale from behind. “In fact, I think you enjoy it!”

“That’s... not... true!” Aziraphale gasped. “It’s just that you always give me good reason to, you--you _fiend_!” His insults were soon muffled by the bedding and punctuated with moans as Crowley pounded into him. The bedframe smacked hard against the wall with every thrust, and bits of plaster started flying through the air. Aziraphale dug his fingers into the sheets. Crowley’s cock was hitting him in just the right spot, and he found it increasingly difficult to remember what they were arguing about. He could feel his orgasm was quickly building, but was stubbornly determined not to come before the argument was won.

“Don’t lie. You love it,” Crowley taunted from behind him. He grasped Aziraphale’s cock and began pumping it rhythmically as he picked up the pace.

“No, I don’t!”

“You do!”

“Foul demon.”

Crowley tightened his grip on Aziraphale’s hips. Inspired comebacks were becoming increasingly difficult to think up while he was buried in his plush angel’s tight arse. “Fussy angel,” he hissed. 

“Drama demon!” Aziraphale huffed, still trying to spite Crowley. “Ah! Drink-soaked _popinjay!_ ”

“Luddite!”

“Fastidious, uptight old git!” 

“Oh, oh _YES!”_

Aziraphale’s orgasm hit him like an explosion and he came with a shout; with Crowley following him right over the edge. The demon kept thrusting until both he and Aziraphale were completely and utterly spent and they both collapsed in a heap onto the bed. 

After he’d caught his breath, Crowley turned to face Aziraphale. “That was-”

“Incredible,” agreed Aziraphale, smiling brightly at his lover. There was a long silence.

“Angel?”

“Mm?

“What exactly were we arguing about?”

“Oh.” Aziraphale narrowed his eyes, his mind still floating on a sea of pleasant endorphins. “I can’t quite recall,” he replied with a shrug.

“Can’t have been important then,” Crowley said, snapping his fingers to clean them both up.

“I suppose not.”

There was a long silence. Aziraphale leaned across as if to give Crowley a kiss. Instead he winked, nibbled on Crowley’s ear and then whispered into it, “You know, Crowley, you really are such a sweet, _nice_ demon.”

Crowley narrowed his eyes. “You take that back, angel. I’m warning you. Unless you want to start World War Three.”

Aziraphale looked over at his demon, worn out and tired from having given him a thorough and wonderful seeing-to, and decided to make amends. He reached over and stroked the side of Crowley’s face lovingly, caressing his fingertips across the demon’s sigil.

“I won’t take it back. However, I will add that you are also devilishly sexy and tempting, _and..._ you were right.”

“I was?” Crowley arched an eyebrow. “About what?”

“I _had_ been eyeing you all night. You are rather irresistible, you know.”

“So are you, angel. Irresistible and a bit of a bastard. Don’t ever change a thing.” He picked at the old-fashioned tartan sheets on the bed. “Not even the tartan.”

Aziraphale chuckled. “I would never.”


End file.
